how sad. :((

Gusto ko ng mag-field trip! :)

Ready to face every clash in life.

Loads of things happened these past few days. It's all been a whirlwind of different opinions, sentiments and words. But I've learned two things.

Communication REALLY is the key.
and
Be honest.

thank you.

A part of my undecided self

Having ended a past relationship DOESN'T mean it's the end of everything for you. It's actually part of life's lesson. It's a thing everyone.. as in EVERYONE (even nuns) have to go through. Required as they say. It involves loving, getting hurt, loving.. and then again, get hurt. It's a continuous cycle!! The good thing about this very pathetic cycle is that it guarantuees you a life after death. Yeah, I admit it, I LOVE loving and I LOVE getting hurt. I know it's bizzare but what the hell do you care?? I'm absurd in many myriad ways. All I'm saying is that...

I just LOVE and LOATHE love at the same time.
It brings out the best and worst in me. It squizzes out thing from every aspect of my life. It makes me think different dire thoughts and happy thoughts, as well. It makes me be very vigilant for my every action. I guess, it has both advantages and disadvantages..

The thing is there's this girl, her name is... tut. tut. tut. She's really nice and she's really close to perfectness. We agree and disagree on different matters but we try to work it out. I still feel that we're stil "we", but then.. I'll just realize that this is the real world and in the real world there's no such thing as a "we".

Sad thing? no. We should never be sad. You'll just make yourself depressed or feel very undejected. But look at it this way. She don't deserve you. Outside this, is a fishload of different opportunities and you're there holding a very big fishnet. Try to be different. Try something new.

Hay nako. Poknat nmn kyla eh. Anong klaseng kalembang yan ha?! Ang FAKE mo. Face it. You CAN'T get over her and you love her still. Your being a martyr for something you can never get. She's gone. Period.

Tangina.

Desires of a Strayed Wanderer

I was walking on my way to the path of you
Hoping to see what's fake and what's true
I saw men drinking and some kissing
They're wasting their life. There's a LOT they're missing.

I was walking down a street towards you
I felt something bizzare, a sudden blue
The crooning sound of the birds I hear aside
Was the same melody I had inside

I was so depressed to think you're gone
I felt isolated, I just wanted to run
I ran with the wind, with the air, with the waves
It felt rather absurd to think I'd be saved

I hailed to God, wishing for you
Forget you, Love you and find someone new
It was too late for me to hold you back
You're having so much fun, It'll be just bad

To cry for you would be dumb and hapless
To die for you would be sick and worthless
It don't seem to show what my soul conveys
But I'll just do it anyways...

Why am I crying?

Still I see the tears from my eyes. Maybe I'm just not the one for you.

Sometimes it's better to not say anything about this and that rather than hearing abrupt words from my angry mouth. Sometimes it's better to stay away from a person rather than attacking her with heavy blows and painful strikes. Sometimes it's better to work things out, organize my thoughts rather than making sudden decisions without even considering what the odds are. Sometimes it's better to think about the consequences of every action rather than going on with the plan unarmed or unprepared. Sometimes it's better to stop something from happening before it can even start. Sometimes setting things aside is better than seeing her, your loved-one, tear herself apart and sulk for something vile i did. It's ALWAYS better to hide your sullen feelings and start being the most hyper girl in class, so that no one will ever know that deep inside you, your hearts squeezed and not even a single shred of tear can come out. It's always better to fake smiles, fake jokes, fake frolics and fake laughter when at the back of your head, your crying so badly and you just wish the earth will swallow you alive.

It's always better to stop loving a person who in return can't ever love you again.

I am sorry.

Sure. I'm taking all the blame. Lagi nmn ako eh. wa-ha. I'm used to it and it has been me and me since ever..

Well, on the good part, DUDE! Hale's cd is the best! They totally rock! Here's the lyrics of one of their songs. "Runaway" it totally rocks.

"Runaway"
(Champ Lui-Pio/Roll Martinez)

talked to you tonight, to sort things out the right the way we used to be, when you were still here with me. I wanted you to know, if you have loved me so, then why didn't you let me know, 'cause I didn't wanna let you go
so why don't you just runaway from here? 'cause I don't want you to get hurt by me
this way. you loved me to the point where I was lost. but then I couldn't catch you there. so just runaway. and I will never know. if we could ever go. the way that we should be.

They are the best. :)

3 is such a GREAT number.

3 phrases that made my day:

"Kaya mo yan, Kyla"
"Hey, Kyla"
"Oh! Asan na shades mo?"

DUDE! If you know who said these words. You are going to die.

Anyways, today, our classroom was desperately in need for chalk. Only some bits of chalk were remotely lying on the chalk ledge! Literally, there was none. We barely survived P.E. then English came. We did our usual routine… "Good Morning, Sir". Pray. Sit down. Review what we did the day before. Then push through with the lesson. Sir Al turned on the computer then walked to the blackboard. He was looking for chalk. We all laughed and he asked if someone could get some. I volunteered, hoping to get out of that "hot as hell" classroom. (It was sooo warm!) Everyone were like…"uyyyy" (whatever). First thought, go to room 8 and get some from them. Unfortunately, they were having there P.E. and it was really not a good idea to just enter their room and "steal" some of their beloved chalks. I went to room 6, said, "Excuse Me, Miss. Good Morning! Do you have some extra chalks?" Felt rather awkward, I thought, maybe it had wrong grammar. Then Cheryl bellowed "NONE!" (Cute!) They all laughed and I just dejectedly went out of the room. Same thing happened to the next 2 rooms. Then a thought zoomed inside my mind. get chalk from the principal's office NOT from other classrooms. Shame dude. 3 rooms, 45 students each. Maybe they thought I was stupid! Oh what a disgrace. Then I walked straight down to the principal's office, feeling so down cast and unfortunate.

Ok. That was dull.

But the 3 phrases weren't! dude.

I know nothing wrong.

I read the wrong thing. I read the wrong time
I said the wrong words. I said the wrong lines
I cried the wrong tears. I damned the wrong pain
I did the wrong act. I did the wrong sane

I walked the wrong path. I ran the wrong race
I pawned the wrong jewel. I showed the wrong face
I felt the wrong love. I felt the wrong rain
I reversed the wrong tape. I outburst the whole day

I made the wrong mistakes. I restored the wrong life
I discussed all my writings. I restored the wrong lie
I swam the wrong sea. I kicked the wrong ball
I took the wrong turn. I gave my freaking all

I skidded the wrong car. I switched the wrong lane
I raked the wrong yard. I took somebody's gain
I hit the wrong button. I did the wrong thing
I made the wrong poem. I gave the wrong ring

I undid my own clothes. I zipped my own mouth
To let them know I won't even shout
I wronged my own thing. I outran my own time
I raised the wrong naught. I mislead the thing's fine

I wrote the wrong letters. I gave the wrong gift
I got the wrong burden I can't even lift
I dired the wrong aspersions. I read the wrong moves
I got what I never wanted. I got the wrong loose

I declined the wrong night. I ignored the wrong morning
I wasted the wrong summer. I don't think I'm falling
I stopped the wrong bus. I blocked the wrong taxi
I answered the wrong question. I said the wrong sorry

I flipped the wrong rock. I found the wrong line
I killed the wrong ant. I read the wrong sign
I prayed the wrong prayer to the wrong god
I think I loathe this thing called love

I entered the wrong tunnel. I reached the wrong end
I got the wrong medicine for this heart that won't mend
I fired the wrong person. I installed the wrong booth
I swallowed my own sanity for the wrong truth

I rescued the wrong dog. I escaped the wrong death
I ignored my own serenity to find peace in my head
I cut the wrong cord. I visited the wrong burial
I stalked the wrong guy. I attended the wrong trial

I chose the wrong love. I chose the wrong person
I think it's the wrong right. God made the wrong lesson
I don't know what's wrong. I no nothing wrong
I think this pain I have, to mend will take long

made it just now. made it after i read an article. it's a stupid article. Aprille read it, too. She knows what i feel.

Jenny and Aprille! Fooling. :) 

3rd post of the day.. and maybe the last.

This is a snippet of this song called "because of you" by kelly clarkson. its such a nice song. right mery? (i edited it so its really different from the original song)

I will not make the same mistakes again
Cause my heart so much misery
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you,
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
I smile and laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

ok. i know its senseless. well, im a senseless girl. so, dont budge!

2nd post of the day.

Just want to say! My diary is ALIVE again. dude.. latest entry. 4 damn pages! naks. lalang. It's full of sad stuff. Well, A journal is always a very nice kind of output. Hahaha! and uh...

I LOVE HALE! :)

I am so bored and STRESSED!

Well, I've always talked about how I felt the whole day or how I felt the moment I was writing those freakish entries (oh wait. senseless i mean). Lalang. It's so amazing that a handful of people appreciate my works! NAKS! Ok. Enough. Just wanna say.. gusto kong magtagalog. Bihira na akong magonline ngayon ah. And for that, I'm very thankful. At least, MEDYO ngbabago na ang image ko dito sa bahay. Anyways, as most of you know (well, at least, my roommates) I am the beloved Socio Cultural Chairman of out classroom. Nakanaksnaks! I never really wanted to be the Socio Chair. I wanted to be the "student". (Joke un. Tawa kyo) Ha. Ha. Ok. It's a new role, new responsibility, new life. I just have to be prepared to face the clashes that I might face in the near future. Yeah! Oh Wait.. did you know that I already have the CD of HALE!!! The best band ever!! GOD!!

I am currently dumped by different things. First.. tut. tut. tut. Second, HOMEWORK!! Tons of 'em. Well, I'm fine with it. I actually enjoy doing homeworks!!

The 5 Things I Simply Treasure:
1. My Friends
2. My Guitar
3. My Diary
4. HALE!!!
5. tut. tut. tut.

It's not in any particular order. You do that for me. :) thanks!

The picture below is one of the nicest things I have ever seen. It's composed of the people who never left me. And they've all been so supportive. They have never become unweary of me and that's so cool. :) They are (from L to R) Cheryl, Ann, Aileen, ME, and ABS (ung ngiisan sa gitna). Love 'em so much!


They are the best people I've ever encountered! 

I'm trying to compose some stupid songs. TRYING LANG! well, its kinda doing good. I'll try to improve. :)

3rd post of the day

A dad is a man willed and strong
A dad is a man who can't be wrong
A dad is a man with such great passion
A dad is a man who'll give you attention

A dad is a man present in your days
A dad is a man clever in his ways
A dad is a man careful and gentle
A dad is a man plain and simple

A dad is a man who stands high
A dad is a man who can't stand a lie
A dad is a man a survivor of divergence
A dad is a man of love and patience

A dad is a man full of promises
A dad is a man true to commitment
A dad is a man forever at your side
A dad is a man who's tender inside

A dad is a man who'll fight for you
A dad is a man, anything he'd do
A dad is a man imbued with goodness
A dad is a man intended to sweetness

A dad is a man who protects his child
A dad is a man who'll give his life
A dad is a man loyal and true
A dad is a man I find in you

For all the fathers out there! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Hysterical Chances

I try to sing, I try to dance
I try to give this man a chance
I try to instill. I try to feel
I try to think this man's uphill

I try to read, I try to write
I try to think this man, he might
I try to smile. I try to employ
I try to believe this man's a boy

I try to walk. I try to sleep
I try to sink this man's a keep
I try to help. I try to hurt
I try to feed this man with dirt

I try to hide. I try aside
I try to spoil this man's pride
I try to see. I try to hear
I try to look for this man's fear

I try to dismay. I try to wince
I try to test if he has sinned
I try to pity. I try to evoke
I try to see if this man's a joke

I try to go. I try to leave
I tried making this man's up heave
I try to play. I try to see
I try to think the possibility

I try to take. I try to make
I try to start a love that's fake
I try finding. I try to test.
I try to dare this man's chest

I try to hope. I try coming.
I try to see if he knows I'm faking
I try to dance. I try to go.
He tried to say he loved me so

I try a chance. I try to live
I try to see what this man can give
I try having fun. I try to rock
I think this man can tie the knot

I try to shut. I try to be true
I try to see he's completely not you
I try kiss. I try to miss.
I try to think this man's a hit.

I try to love. I try of passion
He tried to give me a big mansion
I fell for him. He fell for me
We tried to work it out, indeed.

Now we're married. Now we're true
I try to see what love can do
He showed me love, its true unknown
Unconditional love for me he's shown

Very weird and bizzare poem! wahaha! I was playing with the words, and it turned out very out of this world! hehe. :)

Random Song

I've been singing, hearing this random song
Been waiting, wishing out this long
Immense void in me filled with shabby thoughts
Relics of memories upheaved and brought

There's this vauge sense brought by destiny
It's been to heavy for me to bury
The torment and waves been crashing me down
Hearing this lonely and crooning sound

Avid and dire, my only sentiments
Seeps through my heart and my commitment
The ample words meant nothing to me
For me its scarce for me to see

Prowled and stroded to the ocean obscure
Delegated to me this only cure
I've been roaming around this strange oblivion
Hearing, swallowing this supid aspersions

I try to rectify these things wrong
I try to employ to you among
Vigilant thoughts I become naive
Appaled and gnarled where I live

I subsist and go on obssessed with grief
This consolation can't seem to give
Apart from some peace and some serenity
TO persist my dreams and my virginity

I sing this random song to you, my love
Hope it touches you, hope it abrupts
I sing this random song with head up high
I sing this random song with all the lies

Hale is the best band ever.

I started taking calcium everyday. For stronger bones! Also, vitamin C! For protection! Kind of concerned about my health. I also try to do a little bit of exercise every morning. A little bit is better than not doing it at all. haha. Well, I'm very pleased with my classroom right now. So happy with it. We have the best set of teachers, although, Mrs. Ramirez is on leave. She's pregnant. We also have the nicest schedule St. Paul cold ever produce. We are never loaded with homework and it’s not that demanding. Well, maybe, its just so happen that it's only the 2nd week of classes. I still feel very isolated, I mean, I'm around these people, but I feel very... I don't know. Stop. I don’t want to put pathetic entries no more. No depressing whatever. I don't care. it's actually nice not caring at all. :)


Clubs again. New scheds. whatever. Well, It amazes me how many people try to get in in this and that. wahaha! We (the epaps) went to the loser clubs. Well, we thought we could just do homeworks then. Aileen invited me to try in the Pauliworld Organization. I hesitated because when you join that org, you have to meet different deadlines and deal with different kinds of stresses. Plus, you have to have a club. So, club plus pauliworld plus academics equals.. shit. So, then.

I'm soooo into poetry right now.

Excited na akong pumasok ulit. :)

write ups

Kyla Erika Buenafe

"A relationship works with problems to make it stronger." - yours truly.

Kyla. A girl with nothing to say and nothing to prove. She has been this girl who stays inside her shell, most of the time, waiting for some "savior" to kick her out from a coat of bashfulness. A girl who lives in her own world and lives by her own rules. But after a few years of great effort, she finally came out of that shell. She revealed to the world what she can really do and how crucial her existence is. With the help of her dearly beloved acquaintances, she came out with flashing colors blinding everyone that she might encounter. She turned out to be a very sparkling person with a very satisfying personality.

Aileen Reyes

Aileen. A very vigorous kid filled with happy sentiments that you yourself will feel in high spirits every moment you're with her. Each day with her seem to fill my heart, soul and mind with so much happiness that I can't even determine if it really is happiness. Aileen is one heck of a friend. Whatever conflict, clash, divergence or argument you are in, at that moment, she'll always be like Wonder Woman who’ll suddenly turn up at your side ready to fight for you and save you. Aileen is the kind of girl who'll never let a friend down. She's really very encouraging and she can turn your world round.

Rosalynn Ann Malong

Ann. A quiet girl, she may seem, but deep inside, you'll find a heart filled with determination and goodness. She's a very upright friend, very trustworthy. Your deep dark secrets can securely lie on her head. She won't let a word escape from her mouth even if it's a matter of life and death. She's a very skilled volleyball player. Every ball she hits seem to have the fear to even get close to her for she really plays hard and it works out perfectly. Its never hard to get along with Ann. Her social life is booming with people that she barely have time for each of them.

Cheryl Silvestre

A familiar face around the grounds of St. Paul, but it seems like everyone knows her. She has been the Spiritual chairman for many years now and she's recognized as one of the most well mannered girls around our school. Cheryl is a very dependable student. You can entrust anything to her not worrying that she might spill it or ruin it. She's a very amusing and unwearied girl. You can taunt her again and again and you'll both just laugh yourselves up. She's always at your back, supporting you all along. You might not perceive her there, but she's there with a smile so cunning and gentle.

Made these write-ups for my friends and I. Quite Good. And I tell you, I'm proud of it.

Time Of Your Life

I remember those days, we were all so young
Thought of nothing but the things undone
I remember them clear, It's buzzing away
Times we had the sunshine up on our days

Still playful and kiddie and very innocent
Not ready for what lies ahead, what God might send
Still kid at heart, no commitment yet
No ties to strengthen, nothing we have met

No knowledge of love, how serious it is
What people feel and what they miss
No emotion as hurt, jealous, or crushed
No knowledge of people starting to rush

But God gave time and time didn't waste
We shopped some clothes and set some dates
Begginers in this aspect, it was totally hard
It was hard to make letters or simply a card

Fights arouse from the simplest things
Now we know what love can surely bring
Love can impress you or tear you apart
Love can overwhelm you, burst your heart

Love is really serious, love is deep
Love is something you're required to keep
But really love is very nice
It gives you hope and a lot of suprise

Do you really know your love is real?
For this person you fancy and love you feel
Do you really deserve her and keep her true
From the truth you will know what love can do

still feeling like an easy target.

its been a long time now since i knew about this and that. i've been trying to, you know, accept it or at least, make myself numb from all the awfull emotions i can possibly feel. but i think this barrier that i try to build around my heart doesn't seem to work. usually, when something happens or when i hear about this and that, something inside me curls like hell. it seemed like every vein inside my body starts to pop one by one. yeah i know, im not good about explaining how i feel. just bare with me. well, my point is, no matter how hard you try to resist or hide your emotions.. love will find a way to break through that "barrier" and hit you directly where you're weak at. :) it's like a battlefield. a war between you against your foolish emotions.

NEW EVERYTHING

Well, new layout for the new school year. New classmates, new me, new bag, new clothes, new ballpens, new books, new teachers.. Everything is NEW! yipee. It's not really a bad thing. It's actually very exciting! I can be a new me. cool.

Sir Alfred Martin Dimalanta is my teacher. cool.

dude.

TEACHER KO SI SIR AL!!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

done.

i just dont care.

shit

I love the way you speak
And I love the way you swear
I love the way you walk around with your head held in the air
I love the way your words move
And I love the way you drive
I love the way you're scared of people scared to be alive
I love the way you dress upon a Saturday night
I love the way you never speak until it feels just right
I love the way you're spending all your money on yourself
I love the way you answer the phone and pretend you're somebody else
And now I don't want to talk about the things you overcame
By dragging up the past I'll put you through it all again
I've got the greatest admiration for the way that you got through it
Couldn't ask nobody else to do it better than you do it

Stay you.

Done with the pictures.

Been online all morning. Still hoping she would go online. I know it's impossible 'cause she's at school. ha. ha. tough luck, kyla! Anyways, we're going out today. I'm gonna buy some new stuff. clothes, caps, shoes.. (yeah. all plural.) Tita Mommy's rich dude. If you want it, she'll buy it. I'm not going to school anymore. Cause I'm ditching. JOKE! I would never do that. (im good. sure!) The real reason is........ secret. Cause I'm running away from all my fans! (in my freaking dreams) Anyways, I still haven't seen her blog. damn it! stupid computer. Well, I miss her and I'm craving for her right now.

Suite yourself.

Don't make me hate you.