why should i live up to other peoples expectations instead of mine?
i dont know. to disappoint them?
yeah.
well. youre screwed up
..you never disappointed me.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
reminder: these are kids. these things are such a big deal for them.
so please excuse me for some exaggeration.
-------
so they are she and he. they are 2 kids strolling in the park on one lazy afternoon in september.
her eyes glued to his oh-so-sinful ice cream. shes in ice cream land so suddenly. there are ice cream mascots everywhere and theyre all surrounding him, giving him the pleasure of their delectable ice cream. she starts to drool. the world stops at that point, making sure the ice cream was in her full view. shes mad. she wants it so badly. shes magnetized to that vanilla ice cream hes holding. she drools yet again. shes lost in her own thoughts of that luscious icecream. shes gone mad now more than ever. she starts to lose control. and boom! shes hypnotized. she out of her senses. shes out of herself.
envy.envy.envy.
the amazing feeling that can masticate ones pride, dignity and actually, ones being. its desiring, wanting, craving for something you cant have. moreover, that something is in the hands of some stranger or might as well, some person you dearly know. you cant have it because number one, no means of getting it. number two, its not meant for you. number 3, the world is defiantly evil. and number 4, its not just the world thats defiantly evil you know, but f.a.t.e. itself.
cruel people.cruel world.cruel fate.
for days, week, years now, youve been dreaming of that something. youve been trying to reach it and all the while, at the back of your desperate head, you know and youre quite sure you can never have it.
i pity you, you know. why not give it up? cant you see? youre swimming in the middle of a thousand sharks. youre crossing a puddle of quicksand. youre trying to withstand a huge huge tornado. stop torturing yourself dear.. its just not worth it.
STOP IT, Kyla.
..envy eats nothing but its own heart..
-------
theyre all saying
"you'll make it through"
but i say
..you'll make it through...
'cause im with you."
-------
so please excuse me for some exaggeration.
so they are she and he. they are 2 kids strolling in the park on one lazy afternoon in september.
her eyes glued to his oh-so-sinful ice cream. shes in ice cream land so suddenly. there are ice cream mascots everywhere and theyre all surrounding him, giving him the pleasure of their delectable ice cream. she starts to drool. the world stops at that point, making sure the ice cream was in her full view. shes mad. she wants it so badly. shes magnetized to that vanilla ice cream hes holding. she drools yet again. shes lost in her own thoughts of that luscious icecream. shes gone mad now more than ever. she starts to lose control. and boom! shes hypnotized. she out of her senses. shes out of herself.
..but..
the constant reminder that she cant have that delicious icecream snaps her back to our world, the reality
the constant reminder that she cant have that delicious icecream snaps her back to our world, the reality
envy.envy.envy.
the amazing feeling that can masticate ones pride, dignity and actually, ones being. its desiring, wanting, craving for something you cant have. moreover, that something is in the hands of some stranger or might as well, some person you dearly know. you cant have it because number one, no means of getting it. number two, its not meant for you. number 3, the world is defiantly evil. and number 4, its not just the world thats defiantly evil you know, but f.a.t.e. itself.
cruel people.cruel world.cruel fate.
for days, week, years now, youve been dreaming of that something. youve been trying to reach it and all the while, at the back of your desperate head, you know and youre quite sure you can never have it.
i pity you, you know. why not give it up? cant you see? youre swimming in the middle of a thousand sharks. youre crossing a puddle of quicksand. youre trying to withstand a huge huge tornado. stop torturing yourself dear.. its just not worth it.
STOP IT, Kyla.
for the nth time i tell you this:
NOT.FOR.YOU.
NOT.FOR.YOU.
..envy eats nothing but its own heart..
theyre all saying
"you'll make it through"
but i say
..you'll make it through...
'cause im with you."
bakit ang malas ko?
bakit ang sama mo?
bakit ang tindi ng pasakit ng mundo?
bakit ang hirap nito?
..ndi mo rin naman maiintindihan eh. wag na lng.
bakit ang sama mo?
bakit ang tindi ng pasakit ng mundo?
bakit ang hirap nito?
..ndi mo rin naman maiintindihan eh. wag na lng.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
the hardest part a person can portray in this play called Life is the character of themself.
i myself have been trying to act out the best out of this "kyla" character ive been assigned to. ive been following the script, doing the right blocking, evoking the right emotions, but the the director doesn't seem to be satisfied.
since the start of this production, shes been nothing but a pain in the a**. cant she see the cast, the crew and the production staff are all trying to cope with her. agh. this play wont be a success if shell continue being the director she already is.
tell me, cant i just adlib the rest of the play? cant i just do the scene on how i would naturally do it? can i cease from following the usual routine? can i not follow what shes saying? cause its really hard for me.
but then i realize, thats her job. and shes suppose to be like that. i guess i just have to follow her. its for the plays sake.
i myself have been trying to act out the best out of this "kyla" character ive been assigned to. ive been following the script, doing the right blocking, evoking the right emotions, but the the director doesn't seem to be satisfied.
since the start of this production, shes been nothing but a pain in the a**. cant she see the cast, the crew and the production staff are all trying to cope with her. agh. this play wont be a success if shell continue being the director she already is.
tell me, cant i just adlib the rest of the play? cant i just do the scene on how i would naturally do it? can i cease from following the usual routine? can i not follow what shes saying? cause its really hard for me.
but then i realize, thats her job. and shes suppose to be like that. i guess i just have to follow her. its for the plays sake.
take me away with you tonight
just anywhere with you.
just anywhere with you.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Tollgate <3
im leaving. im buckling tight. i turn on the radio. im driving out of sight. and im in the freeway. the lights are lost in your eyes. things have been said. im lost in my head. its time to go home.
im moving so fast i can't look back. the streetlights are changing. they mean nothing at all. maybe i'm stranded. im stuck in this place alone. i look out the window. tomorrow help me find. let's call it a day.
its over. im turning off the lights. this day maybe filled. im hearing of you. and i don't have a clue.
tomorrow you'll go
=======
Tollgate
Hale
..I AM SO INLOVE WITH THIS SONG.
It made me crave for Hale again.
<3 <3 <3
im moving so fast i can't look back. the streetlights are changing. they mean nothing at all. maybe i'm stranded. im stuck in this place alone. i look out the window. tomorrow help me find. let's call it a day.
its over. im turning off the lights. this day maybe filled. im hearing of you. and i don't have a clue.
tomorrow you'll go
tomorrow you'll come
=======
Tollgate
Hale
..I AM SO INLOVE WITH THIS SONG.
It made me crave for Hale again.
<3 <3 <3
and ladies and gentlemen, because of kyla's utmost stupidity.. its only now that she discovered this "photo-uploading" feature of blogger. ahahaha. well, she got bored and everytime shes bored, she becomes this curious little kid, poking around stuff. then awhile ago, while she was "poking around stuff" she saw this small little box kind of link and she click it. VWALA! you have pictures. ahahahaha.
-------
ay nako.
my summer?
B.O.R.I.N.G.
as usual. :|
hate it when its summer. ive got nothing to do but bum around this boxed-up house. i wanna go out. haaay. lahat ng tao sa mundo may ginagawa eh. busy. buti pa kayo. mga kaibigan ko parang, may outing, may gagawin. ako? wala. i wanted to attend this summer enrichment program in st. paul but my dear parents are still thinking about it. mamaya, tapos na yung program tsaka lang kayo nakapag-decide.
TSK. TSK.
these "were still thinking about it" style of yours..
TSK. TSK.
just say you dont like the idea and its a waste of money.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
last day bukas? ows.
the end of the schoolyear, for other people, may seem like something big; something worth crying for. But for me.. it's not. well, not really. parang.
oi. last day na?
ows? talaga?
oh bkit dika sad?
huh? bakit? kelangan ba?
..its not that i dont care that i wont see my classmates, schoolmates and friends as much as it was when we still have school. its not that i dont care that i wont see my favorite teachers anymore. its not that i dont care that next year, everything's different.
its just that. probably, i havent gave it much of a thought. as what i have been saying (in my past entries, if ever you've been reading them), being happy is a choice. actually, everything on this earth is a choice. and whatever option that is you chose to lean on, there will be consequences, advantages and disadvantages. it will not only affect you as a person, but also the people around you. specially, the ones closest to your <3.
i choose not to dwell on the thought that its the last day; that i wont see you guys anymore. but i choose to see the brighter side of this picture. [yeah. so cliche, but hell it works] after this summer, were all 3rd year students. scares me out. but that would only signify that im embarking on a new phase. a new level - a much harder level. a new life basically, with much much more incontrovertibly tough problems.
the end of the schoolyear, for other people, may seem like something big; something worth crying for. But for me.. it's not. well, not really. parang.
oi. last day na?
ows? talaga?
oh bkit dika sad?
huh? bakit? kelangan ba?
..its not that i dont care that i wont see my classmates, schoolmates and friends as much as it was when we still have school. its not that i dont care that i wont see my favorite teachers anymore. its not that i dont care that next year, everything's different.
its just that. probably, i havent gave it much of a thought. as what i have been saying (in my past entries, if ever you've been reading them), being happy is a choice. actually, everything on this earth is a choice. and whatever option that is you chose to lean on, there will be consequences, advantages and disadvantages. it will not only affect you as a person, but also the people around you. specially, the ones closest to your <3.
i choose not to dwell on the thought that its the last day; that i wont see you guys anymore. but i choose to see the brighter side of this picture. [yeah. so cliche, but hell it works] after this summer, were all 3rd year students. scares me out. but that would only signify that im embarking on a new phase. a new level - a much harder level. a new life basically, with much much more incontrovertibly tough problems.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
it's like..
solving the hardest math equation ever.
putting all the colors right on a rubix cube. [for the first time!]
getting that last golden ticket. considering the fact that millions of children are buying tons of chocolate just to find it.
finding a loooong lost quiz paper that you need for your compilation.
completing the contents of your compilation which is a requirement for clearance signing.
surviving the bio and history tests.
reaching that end of the road.
knowing that the problem solving part of the computer test will be fill in the blanks.
finding an old mechanical pencil (that you once lost) right the next day you lost the mechanical pencil you bought after losing the one you just found.
winning an arguement ..with flying colors
getting the highest score for a certain test.
being an academic or better yet a deportment awardee.
basically, the greatest feeling of achievement that is.
but no, you're wrong. i wasn't able to solve the hardest math equation ever. i haven't won a single arguement. and i never even solved that rubix cube. and if you're wondering what that big accomplishment might be that is making me feel like im queen of the world, well....... its understanding myself and how i really feel.
for days now, this unexplicable feeling has been bothering me and i can't quite figure out how to let it go. because duh, i don't even know why im feeling empty, numb and unreasonbaly restless. [apparently, i use the word empty. even though the feeling's not even close to that.] and yesterday, just yesterday, when i was rambling about useless thoughts, i figured it out. i found the most logical explanation why im feeling soooo problematic, when i have all the reason to be happy and grateful. it was one of the most amazing feeling ever. but i wasn't able to celebrate because everyone, as in EVERYONE around me were scowling. i felt guilty rejoicing when everybody's feeling way way beyond stressed and bad-tripped.
and that my dear, was just the ultimate reason why im like this. you see, everyone around me is either, angry, stressed, bad-tripped, annoyed, pissed, undeniably sad or just plain numb and here i am smiling, stress free, on cloud9, joyful and just plain happy. but at the end of the day, i find myself empty. why? i have 2 reasons. 1st, i have no one to share the booming glee i feel inside. i just found a new mechanical pencil [ona. mababaw.] and then i arrive at school seeing people crying. gosh. what a good way to start the day? its like i cant be happy cause everyone's not.
and 2nd, the black aura everyone seems to wearing is bit by bit being transfered to me. parang nahahawa ako. gets? wala nga akong problema. lahat ok. pero parang ang dami dami kong pinoproblema. haaaay... kaya pala empty. that's why i feel like im burdened with such unsolvable problems when all the while, wala naman talga.
and there, i finally understood this feeling. and i now know what to do. that is to ignore it. be happy for cripe's sake. [remember: being happy is a damn choice.] so what if everyone's down and all? do i have to be down too? NO. i am the balancer. if ur down and troubled (and you need a helping hand..), well, here i am! im not down and troubled. i will make you happy.
i will balance this world. i know i can't but i will try to. i am wonder sita, remember? i will chase your wonders away!
it won't be a good world if everyone's sad. someone should stay happy. someone should neutralize all these pressure. and that's me!
..and for you guys, i have one tip:
GO FIND YOUR SMILE AND GET HAPPY.
solving the hardest math equation ever.
putting all the colors right on a rubix cube. [for the first time!]
getting that last golden ticket. considering the fact that millions of children are buying tons of chocolate just to find it.
finding a loooong lost quiz paper that you need for your compilation.
completing the contents of your compilation which is a requirement for clearance signing.
surviving the bio and history tests.
reaching that end of the road.
knowing that the problem solving part of the computer test will be fill in the blanks.
finding an old mechanical pencil (that you once lost) right the next day you lost the mechanical pencil you bought after losing the one you just found.
winning an arguement ..with flying colors
getting the highest score for a certain test.
being an academic or better yet a deportment awardee.
basically, the greatest feeling of achievement that is.
but no, you're wrong. i wasn't able to solve the hardest math equation ever. i haven't won a single arguement. and i never even solved that rubix cube. and if you're wondering what that big accomplishment might be that is making me feel like im queen of the world, well....... its understanding myself and how i really feel.
for days now, this unexplicable feeling has been bothering me and i can't quite figure out how to let it go. because duh, i don't even know why im feeling empty, numb and unreasonbaly restless. [apparently, i use the word empty. even though the feeling's not even close to that.] and yesterday, just yesterday, when i was rambling about useless thoughts, i figured it out. i found the most logical explanation why im feeling soooo problematic, when i have all the reason to be happy and grateful. it was one of the most amazing feeling ever. but i wasn't able to celebrate because everyone, as in EVERYONE around me were scowling. i felt guilty rejoicing when everybody's feeling way way beyond stressed and bad-tripped.
and that my dear, was just the ultimate reason why im like this. you see, everyone around me is either, angry, stressed, bad-tripped, annoyed, pissed, undeniably sad or just plain numb and here i am smiling, stress free, on cloud9, joyful and just plain happy. but at the end of the day, i find myself empty. why? i have 2 reasons. 1st, i have no one to share the booming glee i feel inside. i just found a new mechanical pencil [ona. mababaw.] and then i arrive at school seeing people crying. gosh. what a good way to start the day? its like i cant be happy cause everyone's not.
and 2nd, the black aura everyone seems to wearing is bit by bit being transfered to me. parang nahahawa ako. gets? wala nga akong problema. lahat ok. pero parang ang dami dami kong pinoproblema. haaaay... kaya pala empty. that's why i feel like im burdened with such unsolvable problems when all the while, wala naman talga.
and there, i finally understood this feeling. and i now know what to do. that is to ignore it. be happy for cripe's sake. [remember: being happy is a damn choice.] so what if everyone's down and all? do i have to be down too? NO. i am the balancer. if ur down and troubled (and you need a helping hand..), well, here i am! im not down and troubled. i will make you happy.
i will balance this world. i know i can't but i will try to. i am wonder sita, remember? i will chase your wonders away!
it won't be a good world if everyone's sad. someone should stay happy. someone should neutralize all these pressure. and that's me!
..and for you guys, i have one tip:
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Ouch. That hurts..
Ona. I know you didn't mean it. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Natamaan lang ako.
Hay nako. Sabi ni ViEnn.. totoo daw.
So, ganun na pala ako ngayon?
But I'm not like this before. I'm really not. Totally not. I'm like a girlscout who always knows what to do. I always know what to do and I always do things the right way.
Ugh. HATE THIS.
I'm a changed girl. And I don't like it.
Tapos I feel super empty. Mia?! HOW DO YOU HANDLE THESE SITUATIONS?! This is a first. I don't like the feeling. Parang ang daming problema... pero wala talaga. :|
Thank You still. :)
Please give me chance.
I will.
Promise.
And sana...
sana po pumasa ako.
Tapos ayun.
Namatay si Kyla.
..at grabe ah, they don't care.
Good job my dear parents. (*)
=======
Sorry na.
I'm feeling..
deep.
again.
Ona. I know you didn't mean it. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Natamaan lang ako.
Hay nako. Sabi ni ViEnn.. totoo daw.
So, ganun na pala ako ngayon?
But I'm not like this before. I'm really not. Totally not. I'm like a girlscout who always knows what to do. I always know what to do and I always do things the right way.
Ugh. HATE THIS.
I'm a changed girl. And I don't like it.
Tapos I feel super empty. Mia?! HOW DO YOU HANDLE THESE SITUATIONS?! This is a first. I don't like the feeling. Parang ang daming problema... pero wala talaga. :|
Thank You still. :)
Please give me chance.
I will.
Promise.
And sana...
sana po pumasa ako.
Tapos ayun.
Namatay si Kyla.
..at grabe ah, they don't care.
Good job my dear parents. (*)
=======
Sorry na.
I'm feeling..
deep.
again.
11 KINDS OF TEXTERS:
..kung bakit 11? ndi ko rin alam.
1. On-call
-24/7, kahit anong oras ka magtext, magrereply pa rin.
2. Vampire
-texting period: 10pm onwards.
3. One-way
-forward lang ng forward.
4. Qoute master
-"pahinga naman ng quotes oh," ang laging linya.
At madalas friend ni Miss One-way
5. Taga-check
-uso sa kanya ang mga "ano gwa mo?" at ang mga "wat gawa you?"
6. Pacute
-mahilig sa "PO" at "OPO". Pacute grabe.
7. "Caring"
-nagsesend ng "ok ka lng ba?", akala mo sayo lng sinend, sa lahat pala sinend nya.
8. Elusive
-once in a blue moon magrereply, feeling VIP.
9. Plastik [favorite ko toh.]
-"musta ka na?"
naghahanap lang ng katxt.
10. Mga may line
-line lang eh, isang daang txt na ang sinesend. eh "Hi" lang naman yun laman.
11. One-liners
-kung magreply... "k" lang sinesend.
o kaya nmn, "yes" at "no" lng.
nagtext ka pa?!
..kung bakit 11? ndi ko rin alam.
1. On-call
-24/7, kahit anong oras ka magtext, magrereply pa rin.
2. Vampire
-texting period: 10pm onwards.
3. One-way
-forward lang ng forward.
4. Qoute master
-"pahinga naman ng quotes oh," ang laging linya.
At madalas friend ni Miss One-way
5. Taga-check
-uso sa kanya ang mga "ano gwa mo?" at ang mga "wat gawa you?"
6. Pacute
-mahilig sa "PO" at "OPO". Pacute grabe.
7. "Caring"
-nagsesend ng "ok ka lng ba?", akala mo sayo lng sinend, sa lahat pala sinend nya.
8. Elusive
-once in a blue moon magrereply, feeling VIP.
9. Plastik [favorite ko toh.]
-"musta ka na?"
naghahanap lang ng katxt.
10. Mga may line
-line lang eh, isang daang txt na ang sinesend. eh "Hi" lang naman yun laman.
11. One-liners
-kung magreply... "k" lang sinesend.
o kaya nmn, "yes" at "no" lng.
nagtext ka pa?!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Sana po pumasa ako. :'((
Sana. Sana.
Being in the Chem and Math DD will be very crucial for my future. Waaah. :(
Lord, please? :(
MGA NANGYARI:
Badtrip ung mga seniors kahapon at dahil "fair" sila.. Last kaming hinatid ni Mang Teddy.
So, magisa na lang ako sa likod ng bus. Yung kapatid ko, nandun, nakikipag-jamming kay Mang Teddy sa kantang "Eye of the Tiger". Magisa talaga ako. BIG SPACE. So, what was there left to do? Syempre, humiga at magbasa ng diary. Edi yun.. I was reading my past diary entries (It's kinda one of my every-friday rituals.), trying to remember what happened during the week. Some made me feel uber happy, some super sad, and others incredibly bad-tripped... Then I was reading this super duper happy entry nang biglang tinugtog sa radyo...
Lagi na lang umuulan, parang walang katapusan, tulad ng paghihirap kong ngayong parang walang humpay.. iniwan mo ako ng nagiisa sa gitna ng dilim at basang basa pa sa ULAN
SHIT.
Hinimatay ako ng sobra sobra. At ang nakakainis pa.. TINAPOS NI MANG TEDDY YUNG KANTA. Eh diba ang haba haba nun?! AGGGGH. LSS na tuloy sya hanggang pagtulog ko. At dahil sa ngayo'y naalala ko na naman ung kanta. Wala na. LSS na ulit buong araw.
Bakit ba sa kahit anong aspeto eh talagang nakakairita at nakakarindi yung kantang yun?!
Hay nako.. Day-ruiner.
=======
Last na.
Lord, sana po pumasa.
Kayo na po bahala.
Pero salamat po sa guidance.
SALAMAT po talaga. :)
Sana. Sana.
Being in the Chem and Math DD will be very crucial for my future. Waaah. :(
Lord, please? :(
MGA NANGYARI:
Badtrip ung mga seniors kahapon at dahil "fair" sila.. Last kaming hinatid ni Mang Teddy.
So, magisa na lang ako sa likod ng bus. Yung kapatid ko, nandun, nakikipag-jamming kay Mang Teddy sa kantang "Eye of the Tiger". Magisa talaga ako. BIG SPACE. So, what was there left to do? Syempre, humiga at magbasa ng diary. Edi yun.. I was reading my past diary entries (It's kinda one of my every-friday rituals.), trying to remember what happened during the week. Some made me feel uber happy, some super sad, and others incredibly bad-tripped... Then I was reading this super duper happy entry nang biglang tinugtog sa radyo...
Lagi na lang umuulan, parang walang katapusan, tulad ng paghihirap kong ngayong parang walang humpay.. iniwan mo ako ng nagiisa sa gitna ng dilim at basang basa pa sa ULAN
SHIT.
Hinimatay ako ng sobra sobra. At ang nakakainis pa.. TINAPOS NI MANG TEDDY YUNG KANTA. Eh diba ang haba haba nun?! AGGGGH. LSS na tuloy sya hanggang pagtulog ko. At dahil sa ngayo'y naalala ko na naman ung kanta. Wala na. LSS na ulit buong araw.
Bakit ba sa kahit anong aspeto eh talagang nakakairita at nakakarindi yung kantang yun?!
Hay nako.. Day-ruiner.
=======
Last na.
Lord, sana po pumasa.
Kayo na po bahala.
Pero salamat po sa guidance.
SALAMAT po talaga. :)
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
And they say crying is weak.
I.agree.
I've been crying a lot lately, and yesterday.. just yesterday. I realized that I CAN. I can not cry. I mean, I can supress the pain inside. I can do it. And I did it. I'm proud.
But all this being manhid has gone too far, you see. It has extended it's power of numbness into my heart and into my mind. Seeped through all the way.
Now, I feel nothing.
I am happy - extremely happy.
pero.. ewan. i feel empty. like everything's just blank. And I feel nothing... nothing. nothing. And I hate it.
I feel numb. Arrrrggggh. Bsta. I can't explain...
SANDALI LANG. HINTAY.
GUSTO KO PANG MABUHAY.
..and everything went back to place,
just when I saw your smiling face...
I.agree.
I've been crying a lot lately, and yesterday.. just yesterday. I realized that I CAN. I can not cry. I mean, I can supress the pain inside. I can do it. And I did it. I'm proud.
But all this being manhid has gone too far, you see. It has extended it's power of numbness into my heart and into my mind. Seeped through all the way.
Now, I feel nothing.
I am happy - extremely happy.
pero.. ewan. i feel empty. like everything's just blank. And I feel nothing... nothing. nothing. And I hate it.
I feel numb. Arrrrggggh. Bsta. I can't explain...
SANDALI LANG. HINTAY.
GUSTO KO PANG MABUHAY.
..and everything went back to place,
just when I saw your smiling face...
Monday, March 06, 2006
masama ba talagang maging "OK" kung lahat ng tao sa paligid mo badtrip? i mean. ewan. parang lahat ng kakausapin ko, nakasimangot. galit. nagdadabog. hala. anong gagawin ko? ndi ko alam. kaya tumatahimik na lang ako. sorry na. fine. magiging bad trip na rin ako. :|
sorry sa lahat. :(
"ilang rosas pa ang ibigay mo sa akin, tanging ang tinik lang ang tatanggapin.."
sorry sa lahat. :(
"ilang rosas pa ang ibigay mo sa akin, tanging ang tinik lang ang tatanggapin.."
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Soph Night?..
Yeah, Sure! I totally messed up but hey, It is my first time and there's always a first for anything.
I was ashamed for a few minutes. Believe me, those few minutes we're just so unbearable. But then, I'm not that kind of person. Bahala nga sila! I just don't care. The party, the dancing, the food, the people made me feel... un-ashamed, (if there is such a word) anyways. Ahahaha.
"Boo, Boo... so cute."
Yeah, Sure! I totally messed up but hey, It is my first time and there's always a first for anything.
I was ashamed for a few minutes. Believe me, those few minutes we're just so unbearable. But then, I'm not that kind of person. Bahala nga sila! I just don't care. The party, the dancing, the food, the people made me feel... un-ashamed, (if there is such a word) anyways. Ahahaha.
"Boo, Boo... so cute."
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
tap. tap. tap.
...says the rhythmic patter of the rain on her window.
She stares blankly into space. With nothing but tears streaming down her face. Her pillow wet with her nonstop cries over the several nights alone. "Why did he leave me?" She asks, addressing it to no one in particular but the rain. And it seems like the rain responds with its endless pouring and powerful thuds, persistently trying to comfort her; reaching out to her; telling her it's going to be okay. It seems sensible. For the rain was the only thing she has now.
He left him and she wasn't aware. She's at another place; a far away place. She had to know it from another person. She hurried back to their place and the hear-say has become reality. He's gone and nothing she can do to get him back.
Days alone in her room seemed to last a lifetime in her own sad world. Friends and family call almost every time, "How random." She mutters, for they used to never bother even saying "Hi!" 37 messages are in her answering machine and yet, she hasn't found the strength to open them. She's not ready to face the world, face the truth, and face the reality that he is definitely gone.
She can't live without him. She calls him every day. In fact, he's in speed dial number one. And with every day I meant, she calls whenever her boss pisses her off; whenever the cab driver forgot to pick her up; whenever she spots the coolest jackets on earth and when she feels like just calling. He has become her virtual journal. He's her savior. Only with his strong burly arms will she find consolation and the security.
But he's gone now - away. Leaving her alone and very much vulnerable. She feels like a little kid lost in the middle of a massive crowd; a small fish in a sea of big whales. She struggles, with her small feet and undoubtedly small fins to find her knight in shining armor. She sees him nowhere. And for the nth time she asks, "Where is he?"
And so her tears continued to pour alongside the rain. She remembered him asking her, "Hey! Come here, let's talk" And they started talking under the palm tree. It was a typical picnic, complete with the picnic basket and the red and white checkered cloth. She was so caught up with his words of wisdom. She did nothing but stare... up to this day; she can feel his arms around her. She can hear his words ringing inside her head.
"You know, Lianne, I think you're decision to go up to college is probably the best thing to do right now. It is for your future - our future. But I need you to know that I will miss you and I need you to take care of yourself. I won't be able to afford losing you..."
And with those last words, she lost her trail of thoughts. She burst into tears - As if it wasn't the last thing she did. She buried her face into the pillow. Wishing and hoping that it would soothe her grief and sorrow.
She started shouting, howling, and screaming! It was her way to let go all the suppressed sadness left inside her. She threw the pillows away, she broke all the vases and she tore her sheets apart.
A woman, with a face also marked with trails of tears, approached her and tried to calm her down. "Don't worry, my dear daughter, you will see him again... Our car will be arriving soon. We don't want to be late for your father's wake."
And that was all she had to hear. Her warm tears seeped through her mother's clothes.
Her father died 'cause of a car accident. He was in a hurry to see her. He was rushing. And his car collided with a big truck.
tap. tap. tap.
His father's blood trailed its way to her.
And now he's gone.
...says the rhythmic patter of the rain on her window.
She stares blankly into space. With nothing but tears streaming down her face. Her pillow wet with her nonstop cries over the several nights alone. "Why did he leave me?" She asks, addressing it to no one in particular but the rain. And it seems like the rain responds with its endless pouring and powerful thuds, persistently trying to comfort her; reaching out to her; telling her it's going to be okay. It seems sensible. For the rain was the only thing she has now.
He left him and she wasn't aware. She's at another place; a far away place. She had to know it from another person. She hurried back to their place and the hear-say has become reality. He's gone and nothing she can do to get him back.
Days alone in her room seemed to last a lifetime in her own sad world. Friends and family call almost every time, "How random." She mutters, for they used to never bother even saying "Hi!" 37 messages are in her answering machine and yet, she hasn't found the strength to open them. She's not ready to face the world, face the truth, and face the reality that he is definitely gone.
She can't live without him. She calls him every day. In fact, he's in speed dial number one. And with every day I meant, she calls whenever her boss pisses her off; whenever the cab driver forgot to pick her up; whenever she spots the coolest jackets on earth and when she feels like just calling. He has become her virtual journal. He's her savior. Only with his strong burly arms will she find consolation and the security.
But he's gone now - away. Leaving her alone and very much vulnerable. She feels like a little kid lost in the middle of a massive crowd; a small fish in a sea of big whales. She struggles, with her small feet and undoubtedly small fins to find her knight in shining armor. She sees him nowhere. And for the nth time she asks, "Where is he?"
And so her tears continued to pour alongside the rain. She remembered him asking her, "Hey! Come here, let's talk" And they started talking under the palm tree. It was a typical picnic, complete with the picnic basket and the red and white checkered cloth. She was so caught up with his words of wisdom. She did nothing but stare... up to this day; she can feel his arms around her. She can hear his words ringing inside her head.
"You know, Lianne, I think you're decision to go up to college is probably the best thing to do right now. It is for your future - our future. But I need you to know that I will miss you and I need you to take care of yourself. I won't be able to afford losing you..."
And with those last words, she lost her trail of thoughts. She burst into tears - As if it wasn't the last thing she did. She buried her face into the pillow. Wishing and hoping that it would soothe her grief and sorrow.
She started shouting, howling, and screaming! It was her way to let go all the suppressed sadness left inside her. She threw the pillows away, she broke all the vases and she tore her sheets apart.
A woman, with a face also marked with trails of tears, approached her and tried to calm her down. "Don't worry, my dear daughter, you will see him again... Our car will be arriving soon. We don't want to be late for your father's wake."
And that was all she had to hear. Her warm tears seeped through her mother's clothes.
Her father died 'cause of a car accident. He was in a hurry to see her. He was rushing. And his car collided with a big truck.
tap. tap. tap.
His father's blood trailed its way to her.
And now he's gone.
And so this day started fine. And will, hopefully, end as fine..
I'm hoping I will find my voice before Judgment Day. My dear voice, where art thou? I need you now more than ever. :'( Hmm.. We haven't practiced any damn song. Grabe. Cram sa friday? WHY NOT!..
I'm sorry if I'm stressing this that much. But it is really such a big thing for me. first time ko kasi eh..
I.AM.JUST.NOT.LIKE.YOU.AND.YOU.
-------
...and i, i know i can never be enough to replace your whoever..
Neon's been running inside my head for days.. Waah. Get out! Get out. or wait.. don't. I need the strength.
-------
3: If you were given the chance to run and leave everything behind, would you?..
7: Yes, I would. Definitely..
3: Eh what if she held you back?
7: Huh? Labo. Kala ko ba kasama ko sya?
-------
And so they say,
"Being happy is a choice.."
I couldn't but agree more.
It is a damn choice of a person to be happy. And it their damn choice to be not. So, quit budging.. quit making her feel okey. 'Cause you can't. Believe me you can't. If she choses to sulk and be the most distressed person on earth, then let her be. You can't do anything but respect her decision.
But...
I don't know why she chooses to be sad when she has all the reason to be not?! I mean, what is your problem?! Hindi lang problema ang meron sa mundo. There's a lot -and I mean a LOT- that she can do to brush those thoughts away.
She's got the whole world on her side. She's got the sun shining on her every morning. She's got the moon smiling at her every night, watching her drown her pillow with tears. She's got the stars making their way to her so that she can wish on each of them. She's got the clouds, ready to protect her from all the rains and the thunders.
And she's got me.
I will be the Wonder Sita who will chase her wonders away.
Sana lang alam niya.
I'm hoping I will find my voice before Judgment Day. My dear voice, where art thou? I need you now more than ever. :'( Hmm.. We haven't practiced any damn song. Grabe. Cram sa friday? WHY NOT!..
I'm sorry if I'm stressing this that much. But it is really such a big thing for me. first time ko kasi eh..
I.AM.JUST.NOT.LIKE.YOU.AND.YOU.
-------
...and i, i know i can never be enough to replace your whoever..
Neon's been running inside my head for days.. Waah. Get out! Get out. or wait.. don't. I need the strength.
-------
3: If you were given the chance to run and leave everything behind, would you?..
7: Yes, I would. Definitely..
3: Eh what if she held you back?
7: Huh? Labo. Kala ko ba kasama ko sya?
-------
And so they say,
"Being happy is a choice.."
I couldn't but agree more.
It is a damn choice of a person to be happy. And it their damn choice to be not. So, quit budging.. quit making her feel okey. 'Cause you can't. Believe me you can't. If she choses to sulk and be the most distressed person on earth, then let her be. You can't do anything but respect her decision.
But...
I don't know why she chooses to be sad when she has all the reason to be not?! I mean, what is your problem?! Hindi lang problema ang meron sa mundo. There's a lot -and I mean a LOT- that she can do to brush those thoughts away.
She's got the whole world on her side. She's got the sun shining on her every morning. She's got the moon smiling at her every night, watching her drown her pillow with tears. She's got the stars making their way to her so that she can wish on each of them. She's got the clouds, ready to protect her from all the rains and the thunders.
And she's got me.
I will be the Wonder Sita who will chase her wonders away.
Sana lang alam niya.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)