And I thought I was gonna be proud of that.

Hmm.

Maybe it made things better. I'm not really sure.
But right now, I'm just waiting for the clock to strike 1am.
'Cause.. I don't know.

I've found that the best "i-need-the-time-alone-and-think" time is from 1am to 3am. Yes. Maybe it's because of the silence.. or maybe it's because I am the only one awake.

I like doing things on my own with no one watching, with no one checking. It's like... I can finally do this my way and in my own terms. And it feels good. The freedom. The peace.

So maybe things could be better.
And I should be proud of it..

We'll see.

Whatever

I thank God 'cause I know you don't visit this blog anymore. I guess, all's better that way. At this very moment, I'm trying my best not to be afraid because I know it's going to be all on me. It's gonna be my call.

It's been like that ever since, actually and I've never grown used to it. I pray to God that I may always know what to do. But you keep pushing me.

There was this one time when I tried, I could've succeeded. But I failed. Wow. What a shock. I wasn't enough. You were too high. I couldn't reach you. But I tried still, you know. I really did. But I knew then, no matter how I try, you wouldn't see it 'cause it's too weak.

You're too scary for me.

Once, last year, I thought I wouldn't be frightened of you anymore. But circumstances changed and things happened that doubled the fear that I once ignored. I trembled inside and out. I cried. I feared [feared?]. And I just hoped I'd die.

You're right, I am naive.

I try not to be.
But you keep pushing me.
You keep attacking me.

You said you we're gonna help me, teach me.
Is this it?
Is this your system?

'Cause it's not working.

...


I'm sure after you've read this. You'd be pissed off. And you're going to have all these counter-arguments. And if i know, you'd be even giving out examples of instances where I've been like this, like that, etc.

You're right.
I know, you're still going to be right.



I'm just stating my side.
Let things out.

After all,
there can't be no winner,



if there's no loser,

right?

Let's just post that entry once again, shall we?

===

YOU.

I don't like you.
You LIE.

I mean, I do too.
But things could've been better if you hadn't said that.
Ang obvious pa.

Sabi mo kasi... "Ui, I will xyz."
Pero obvious na abc talaga.

Hay.
Ang masakit pa nun.
DALAWANG BESES mo pa ginawa.

Wow.
THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.

===

*erased*

God.
Ang duwag ko.

YOU.

I don't like you.
You LIE.

I mean, I do too.
But things could've been better if you hadn't said that.
Ang obvious pa.

Sabi mo kasi... "Ui, I will xyz."
Pero obvious na abc talaga.

Hay.
Ang masakit pa nun.
DALAWANG BESES mo pa ginawa.

Wow.
THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.

Ahahaha.

Nakakatawa ang mga tao sa paligid ko.

Ikaw... huy. pssst.

Madrama ka na rin! Ahahahaha!

Ang lakas pa ng loob mong sabihin na hindi ka "emo" ... madrama. eklat. kung ano man yun. Pero.. heto. Isang pruweba ng iyong lantarang pagdaDrama.

Pasensiya ha. Nakakatawa lang. :)

Pare.... Yang Y!M status mo pa.
Grabe.

This is my 490th post. CONGRATULATE ME!

yeah ;)

===

It still puzzles me if I should go and take the Qualifying test/s...

I don't want to.
But I want to.

CA has a point.
But Dianne has a point too.

Life.

Ang labo mo naman eh.
Ikaw lang ngsasabi nun.

Ahahaha.

===

For some strange reason, I felt light last night. It was like there was nothing in this world but peace. (Wow. Kyla, world peace? Very good.)

It didn't matter that I was wasting time on nothing even though there was still a pile of crap to be done behind me.


I let go.
Can you believe it?
I. let. go.

It was a wonderful feeling actually.

Not entirely new.
But "re-felt".
Repeated.

Cool. B-)