isang malaking kasinungalingan kapag sinabi kong malungkot ako.
pero isa ring malaking kasinungalingan kng sasabihin kong masaya ako.

un lang.

*bow*


......... *boog*

nahihilo ako.


=======

ANG TAGAL TAGAL NA RIN AH.

HI!

Kamusta ka naman dyan?
Yiiiikeee. Kaw ah.
Miss mo ako noh?

Ahahaha. Biro lang.

========

Ui. Dramatics bukas.
("- -)

========

May mga lima ata kaming pagsusulit bukas.
Langya.
Sana sabado na.

Lord, have mercy.

=======

"Lord, have mercy."

I say that a lot lately.
Is it bad to do so?
Am I using the Lord's name in vain?

Seriously.
Someone has got to answer me.

=======

AY NGA PALA.

BATI NA KAMI NG TRIGO.

Kailangan ko nalang siyang matutunang mahalin. ;)

iiick.
Did I just say that?

all deliberate, epilogue, last call, mistakes we knew we were making, suspension, where the falls begin, embers envelopes, and soundtrack for our movie thank you

=======

Ang sikreto ng Bibbo,
Keso.

~ok. hindi ko yun naintindihan pero yun sabi sa TV eh.

=======

Sa tingin ko paranoid ako.
Hindi siguro halata.
Pero OO, tama.
Paranoid ako.


=======

Pero... mabuti na nga siguro na ganito ang tingin ng tao sa'kin.
Masasabi kong ngang ok un at maganda




Pero...
Pero hindi eh..
Iba ako.


Iba ako sa bahay.
Iba ako sa utak ko.
At lalong iba ung babaeng nagsasalita't gumagalaw sa kaibuturan ng puso ko.

Yun lang.
Hindi ko lang maisip kung dapat ba akong matuwa o maguluhan o mahiya.
Ewan.

[oh yan. tignan mo.. "ewan" na naman ang nasabi ko.]

=======

Ang baba ng grades ko.
SHIT, man.
Pero wala na akong magagawa dun.
Tapos na yun.
At uulitin ko.
Napaka-swerte ko sa mga magulang ko.

Simple lang gagawin nila kapag wala akong academic awardee.
Kakausapin ako sa kotse at ito ang sasabihin:

"KYLA, OK LANG NA WALANG ACADEMIC AWARDEE, BASTA TAMA GINAGAWA MO."

At kung ano man ibig nung sabihin..
Sikreto na namin yun.

SEEEECREEEET.

=======

Minsan, ayokong makita ka.
Hindi sa ayoko kitang makita.
Diyos ko, Panginoon.
Araw araw kong dinarasal na sana............. kasama kita. [ui mushy]

Pero.. minsan kasi.
Ayokong makita ung malungkot mong mata.
Ayokong maramdaman ung paunti-unting pagtindi ng galit at hapdi na nararamdaman mo.


....nahihirapan ako eh.
kasi hindi ko alam gagawin ko.
hindi ako marunong mag-handle ng mga ganitong sitwasyon.

Haaay.
Lord, have mercy.

KILL ME NOW

kelangan ko nang maligo.

=======

Natuwa kami ng kapatid ko sa Sudoku. Bonding time na namin ang sumagot nun. Ahahaha. May mga technique technique pang nalalaman! Ahahaha.

Hindi. Hindi pwede nine dyan. Meron nang nine sa line na yan eh.

Oo nga noh. Eh pano na ung four?

Ay shit. Onga noh. Haay. Nahihilo na'ko.

Eh kung lalagay mo diyan ung nine.. pano na ung seven?

Teka ako muna. Hmmm. Dito nalang yung seven. Dun ung eight. AY. alam ko na. Lipat mo dito ung four para may nine na tayo!

Oo. TAMA. TAMA! Ayan. Check mo ung box na yan. Che-check ko dito.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, WALANG EIGHT DITO MIA!


~~~~~~~OH DBA? ANG SAYA NAMIN.~~~~~~~

=======

But hey... I am still proud of our song.
It's a nice song, you know.

I still watch the video as often as before.
And the song's still playing inside my head.

Anyone know Chris Cayzer?
OH.MY.GOSH.

He's sooo good.
Even words fail me.

Ok. fine.

He's not that good.
But... waaah.

=======

BIBBO.
BEBOT.
BUENAFE.

=======

I feel sad that I don't update my diary anymore
and I hate it that it's going to be September soon.

=======

Jacks can win me the biggest pot ever.
And Aces tend to let me down.

The world is a very weird place.

But then again... I am weird myself.

A weird world + The weird me = uhhhh. Chaos? or Pax Romana?

AND. There is no such thing as "the lucky seat" :|
Ahaha.

POKER UPDATE: 19,390
yey

=======

CANNONBALL

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
you step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

i am so hating the fact that im not good with words.
(not good nga eh. so i will speak in tagalog)

kapag meron akong gustong sabihin.
i mess it up.
ang mga tanging lumalabas sa aking mga bibig ay...

"grabe"
"oh my gosh"

at

"ewan ko"

kapag meron akong gusto iparamdam.
hindi ko magawa kasi hindi ko alam kung pano.

ung iba:
WHOAH.

they say the most perfect words for certain moments.


~mahirap ang walang alam.
and i dont why people just keep on rubbing that in..

sorry.
ganun eh.

i have no right to say i'm tired. because im tired for all the wrong reasons.

=======

i love you bibbos.
you all make me feel better.
in one way or another.
THANK YOU.

I.CAN.NOT.WAIT.FOR.THE.IMMERSION.
and the fieldtrip.
for some reason,
i am so sure that those days will end up as one of the best days of my life.

=======

sorry na sa mga wrong grammar.
alam ko namang mas magaling kayo.
pasensiya na.
i still have lots of stuff to learn ..in life.

NAIINIS AKO.
MADAMING RASON.

UNA: 1 OVER FUCKING 15?!
WHO COULD BE THAT STUPID?
OH YEAH. ME.

PANGALAWA: BADTRIP LAHAT.
EH NDI AKO BADTRIP.
EH BADTRIP LAHAT.
SO, BADTRIP AKO.

..by the way, these "nahahawa ako sa kabadtripan ng iba" thingies happen only at home. never in school. never outside. just at home.
weird much? nah. that's normal here. they usually get badtripped because of me. but today its just the other way around.

PANGATLO: BAKIT NAPAKALAYO NG BAHAY NAMIN SA SCHOOL?
ANAK NG JUETENG.
PAG-UWI GALING PRACTICE,
PAGOD NAKO.
PAGDATING SA BAHAY.
BAGSAK SA KAMA.
PAGGISING ALAS KWATRO NA NG MADALING ARAW.
AT ANG HOMEWORK?
WALA. NANDUN SA BAG.

PANG-APAT: NAIINIS AKO SA MGA TAONG HINDI DAPAT KAINISAN DAHIL SILA AY...
YUN NA MISMO. HINDI KASI SILA KINAIINISAN.
DAHIL KUNG OO.
'DI SANA MATAGAL KO NA SILANG NAPATAY.

PANG-LIMA: MERON AKONG KAILANGAN.
PERO HINDI KO ALAM KUNG ANO.
ILANG LINGGO NARIN TONG BUTAS SA AKING PAGKATAO.
MAY KULANG.
PERO HINDI KO ALAM KUNG ANO.

PANG-ANIM: AYOKO MAG-SEPTEMBER.
AYOKO MAG-OCTOBER.
AYOKONG GUMALAW ANG ORAS.

PANG-PITO: ACTUALLY, CGE.
ORAS, GUMALAW KA.
PERO LAKTAWAN MO NA PLEASE AND OCTOBER AT SEPTEMBER.
PLEASE?

PANG-WALO: NASIRA DISCMAN KO.
AKO NAKASIRA.
KASI NABAGSAK KO.
ALAM MO BA KNG MAGKANO YUN?
..hindi ko rin alam. :|
LAGOT AKO SA TATAY KO 'PAG NALAMAN NYANG SIRA NA UN.
KASI FEELING NYA SA KANYA UN EH.

TANGING MUSIKA NA NGA LANG NAKAKAPAG-KALMA NG KALULUWA KO.
TANGING MUSIKA NA LANG ANG NAKAKAPAG-PATAHIMIK NG NALULUMBAY KONG PUSO.
PERO..AYAN. WALA NA SIYA.

i need something to shut me out of this noisy world.
anyone? anything? please?

PANG-SIYAM: WALA AKONG MALABASAN.
DIARY KO... WALA. OUTDATED.
TAO? ..WALA. HINDI NILA AKO MAIINTINDIHAN.
SO GOD? ..NANDYAN SIYA. PERO GALIT ATAH SIYA SA AKIN EH.

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggh.
tama na.
gusto ko nang matahimik.
please?
ang gulo gulo na ng lahat.
malapit na akong sumuko.
isang rason na lang ang natitira para ituloy ko pa ang lahat.

tsk. parang hindi mo pa alam.
ikaw na un.

I LOVE YOU

========

Song fest? blah.

yey. I checked the dictionary and... boom beybeh.
It's overreaching.
I'm right!
Ahahaha.
I'm sorry.
The happiness to shallow, to much to helpful for me.

Damn girl. I lost 4,000 in one sitting. I mean.. how stupid was that?
Whatever. Poker = gambling. Gambling requires risking.

'ch and all that jazz.

Right now, I am at my *ohwell, i just don't care* mode because of some circumstances. Argh. WHATEVER.

I'm loving McFly for the same reasons I'm loving Acceptance, Bowling for Soup, Something Corporate and The Early November.

So yeah, whatever.

Honestly speaking, I still haven't got the slightest idea of what will happen at tomorrow's "wika" celebration thingy.

Bibbo Boops: I'm sorry if I mess this up for you guys. Sexy naman ako eh. I think that's satisfying enough, right?

So, I wasn't really asking for it. I just wish... blah. Whatever.

Damn. I lost with pocket Aces.

Whatever. I still have 380 dollars. That's enough for me.

Whatever.

I'll go and head back to my appartment.

I will wash the dishes.

Clean Jack's poo.

And pet him 'til we're both dead.

By the way, Jack is my beloved dog.

...and I'm speaking as if I'm in college already.

Whatever.

HEEEEEEEY. I JUST WON 1,360. That's more money babeh.

Thanks Aia. You rock. My socks. I love Ducks. 500 bucks. Good luck.

WHOAH. I am seriously nervous for tomorrow.
Why oh why?
Well, because I am jinxed.
Yes. Believe it.
I mess presentations like this.
So, once again,

Bibbo Boops: I'm sorry if I mess this up for you guys. Sexy naman ako eh. I think that's satisfying enough, right?

Goodbye Mr. Postman. Come back when you've got letters for me.

So, ok. I lost again. I shall rebuy 500 dollars for the 15th time.

Oi. Guys this is my 395th post.. aren't you just proud of me?
That'salotsa dudes.

This is the very most randomest post ever.
It's so random.

So, yeah. Whatever.

My mom says I'm an abnormal kid.
First, I don't eat on time and sometimes I don't eat at all. Which, I think is ver much inconsistent with the fact that I am getting fatter by the minute.

Second, I don't sleep right.

Ok. I don't get this. What do you mean by being normal?
Being normal and abnormal is like two unlikely things that usually get mixed up because of how people percieve 'em.

Whatever. I don't get myself.


Don't you just love the constipated look?

STILL OVERREACHING are you, kyla?

...or dapat over reaching?

=======

Nothing goes to plan
It's all the game of chance they say in wonderland
There's magic in the air
A tragic love affair that I don't understand

Utraviolent
McFly

You're overreaching, Kyla.

=======

Dramatics was fun today.
Waaaaw.
9pm.
At matutulog na ako.
HIMALA.

Dasal sa madaling araw.

oh kataastaasang maykapal
panginoon aming minamahal
sa oras na 'to na alay namin sa'yong parangal
dinggin mo po sana ang aming muntin dasal

sobrang naguumapaw ang yong pagibig
para sa'ming nandito nakikinig
malaman niyo po sanang lahat toh para sa inyo
maliit na sukli sa inyong mga regalo

salamat po sa mga talentong napakahiwaga
salamat sa mga notang gamit pang-musika
salamat sa boses na ubod ng ganda
salamat sa mga salitang ngayo'y kanta na

panginoon hiling po sana ng silid bilang isa.....hanggang sampu
ang iyng espirito santo sa amin bumalot
nawa'y gabayan niyo po kami sa aming gagawin
salamat po panginoon, amen.

Isang ngiti lang pala ang kinakailangan.
Upang kasiyaha'y hindi na mahadlangan.
Sa piling mo, parang wala ng bukas.
Haaaaay nako. Bakit mo inubos ang ubas?

----So, Kyla?! anong UBAS?!

========
AUGUST 17, 2006 NA!
oh, ano naman?
Wala lang.
Nasisiyahan ako kasi unti unti nang nauubos ang araw.
Ibig sabihin. Malapit ng mag-Immersion.
At mag-Christmas vacation.

yey.

Pero sa bawat pagpatak ng araw.
Puso'y sayo sumisigaw.
Hawakan mo ako. Malapit na'kong madapa.
Tanggalin mula sa'kin ang binaril mong bala.

So?.........
Ano raw?

I love You Lord
And I lift my voice to worship You
All my soul rejoices
Take joy my king in what you hear
Let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear

The Lugnut song.
~~>Yeah. Seriously.
I looked it up and Lugnut really is its title.


=======

Lord, continue to give me strength.
Thank You.

I CAN DO THIS.
AKO PA.

=======

Tomorrow, the sun will rise.
It's another day.
And maybe you'd think this is another poem.
Nope. It's not.
This is just a simple work of shit.
Constructed to look like as though it is really a poem.
But it's not.
That's the problem.

========

You've got a fast car.

Wow. You're lucky.

Ikaw lang yun, Kyla.
Ikaw lang yun ...

(--")

=======

Eh bakit ba tuwing ikaw na yung nagsasalita
eh parang buong mundo na ang napapaslang?

=======

Thank You.
Thank you.
Thank you.

GOODBYE 88.
:'(

=======

Still, I won't make you..

=======

minsan dinadaan nalang yan sa ngiti. :)

=======

Sige na nga. Magke-kwento na ako sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko.
So, masaya naman ako.

Kahit sobrang SHIT na lahat ng scores ng mga exams ko. Masaya kong sasabihin na "oh well". Ayoko nang masyadong magpaalila pa sa lungkot. Oo na. Masasabi kong maswerte na ako sa buhay dahil tanging ang kagustuhan ko lang na magka-cellphone ang nagtutulak sa akin para magka-88.

TAMA. Hindi dahil nape-pressure ako sa mga classmates ko. Hindi din dahil sa nakaka-pressure kapatid ko. [tanggap ko na matalino siya at ako.... well, ano raw?] At lalong ndi dahil sobrang mataas ang expectations ng magulang ko sa akin. [oo. umaasam naman sila na magka-academic award ako, pero gets? ok lang na ndi. ndi nila ako hinahampas ng kung ano-anong masasakit na salita dahil wala akong nauwi na academic award.]

Pero kasi.... ano naman magagawa ng pressure? Wala. Sakit lang sa dibdib. Hindi ako nakikipag-away. Pwede mong sabihin na para sayo effective yun. O cge, walang problema. Nagke-kwento lng naman ako eh.

Ang sinasabi ko lang ay.....
Para sa akin.
Ang buhay ay dumidepende sa ugali ng tao.
Ang buhay ay naayon sa kung pano 'to titignan at dadalhin ng tao.

Un lang.

Secret.
Bye. :)

=======

SECRET.
Hindi ka marunong magtago ng sikereto.
Kala mo maganda.
Para sayo, OO.
Sa akin?...
Secret.

=======

Meron pa.
May fieldtrip bukas.
Halos wala ng subjects.
Actually, wala na nga.

=======

Haay.
Nakakainggit ka.
at ikaw.
at ikaw.
at si ikaw.
at meron pa....

siya.

=======

ANONG COUNTRY MADAMING GERA?

edi....

madaming LEBANON!

SALAMAT NG MADAMI.

KRISSY.
PATTER.
RACH.

*a tear fell*

/im so not good with words.

But I am saying with all sincerity.

THANK YOU. :)

Ok.

I'm hating the fact that I can't make things better.
No, wait. That was too general.

I'm hating the fact that I can't make people feel better.
Again, too general.

I'm hating the fact that I've lost my touch when it comes to making people smile. Yes. I've declared last year, [this year still but last school year] that I would try my very best to balance this world [or school, or classroom.] but I think I've fallen apart. Not myself, generally. But my ability to lighten the mood. Darn, and I'm hating it.

It was actually nice that people, at the end of the day usually, would say "Thank You, Kyla" because of the simple reason that I made them smile.

But now, everyone's frowning. Everyone's pissed.
Is this all my fault?
Is it my fault that I have no reason to frown? or be pissed?

It's the 3rd year, Kyla and everything's a total blurr. Everything's a mess. Everything's unstable.

...and you have to go against that.
That's your job.
And you're not doing very good.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

=======

It still doesn't feel right knowing that everyone's sad. And I'm not. And I can't do anything to make 'em feel better. :'(

=======

KYLA, EXAMS. BAKIT KA NAGA-UPDATE?

I swear.
I will die without Acceptance.
Of course, I'm talking about the band.
And not "acceptance" in its truest definition.
Although, I can proudly say that I've learned to accept things as they go by me.

Well, it's been a long time already and I can still distinctly remember that feeling of longing for things to change. Of wanting to alter fate considering its severe chastisement for irrationale people like me. Yet in the end, I was left with no choice but to deliver myself TO total loss of control over my own life.

My body, soul, spirit and mind have all been forcibly pushed to live life without fighting. And wanting. And desiring for something more.

Yes, I have dreams. And they're pretty much unimaginable and thoroughly unreachable. But I've learned to immune myself from expecting. From feeling disappointed after knowing that it will simply and will only spin out of my control.

Maybe that's the reason why huge letdowns don't affect me that much. Maybe I'm used to it. Or I don't care. Or my subconcius instinct never failed to remind me that there's really nothing I could ever do to change, reverse or alter it.

And to accept is the only key.

Haaay. Kyla ang drama mo. San na napunta ang paguusap natin sa bandang Acceptance?
EWAN. Hay nako. Dala 'to ng matinding pagbabasa ng Irresistable Poison.

========

But anyways, before I drown myself into this unpleasant ocean of internal struggle between truth and denial...

Let's all hail Acceptance.

Now I know that it's the same.
Different people, different days.
It won't change.
Do you find security?
Knowing you have broken me.
Like a pastime.

Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.
Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.

Is popularity your quest?
Is this game the perfect test?
Do we all? Do we alter?
What we are. Who we honor.
Playing with people's hearts?

Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.
Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.

I find myself, alone again.
I don't want to find myself alone again.

Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.
Hold on and you'll find,
What you're eventually looking for.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold On
Acceptance


=======

Ginelle Petterson,

Hindi mo na kailangan maghintay.

=======

Maniwala ka.
I'm HOT.

Random Randams.

CA saved me from insanity.
CA, if you're reading this...
THANK YOU. :)

=======

I'm still having all these incredibly painful headaches. Maybe its the coffee. Or the cold bath. Or the time. Or maybe its you. I don't know exactly but I'm not liking it at all.

=======

When all else fail, to you i'll fall.

=======

She's catching up on me. She needs only a few more strides and BOOM, I'll stumble. She's out to get me and there's nothing I can do. Because what's done is what's done. period. I run and I ask, "Why can't the wind help me out? Why can't I fly out of this familiar path? [ui. songfest.]"

=======

Pagyayamanin ko toh.
Palalaguin.
Aalagaan.

...eh pano ko gagawin yun kung laging naghahabol ng pagkakataon?

=======

Pansin mo. Wala akong matinong entry. Lahat maikli, bitin at kulang. :)
Ang cute noh?

=======

ALAM KO NA!
Kung ako si cuteness, ikaw si hotness. Oh diba. Masisiyahan ang lahat ng Besspreens. :)

Wala nang sense blog ko.

=======

So, yeah.
Little by little, I am falling apart.
It's not my fault.
It's Mr. Sleep's fault. x|
He sings me to sleep ALL THE TIME.

I've tried calling Mr. Sleep-Now-Wake-Later, Mr. Take-A-Bath, Mr. Pinch-Yourself and Mr. Eat-A-Lot, but no one has ever topped Mr. Sleep yet.
TSK.

I'll try Mr. Drink-Coffee-Like-It's-Beer later. :|

=======

I swear, I'm loving Bibbo.

=======

And I swear, I'm loving you even more.

=======

Wow. I can't believe YOU read my blog.
Really?
Wow.

Hi.
Musta?

=======

Alam mo bang ndi ako makagalaw sa Dramatics dahil sayo.
Malamang alam mo yun. Dapat alam mo.
Psychic ka, diba?
:)

=======

Ayokong mag-september.
Kasi...secret.

=======

Well, at least, they don't think that.
That's good... i think.
Fine. I'll stop.

=======

I've gotta day and a reason
Why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories that I cannot believe in
Cause I don't know where I've been all these years
All these years

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again

Two days after leaving and I don't have a reason to keep you from being here
I don't steer these thoughts away
I know that you know this but I could never get you to believe all my fears
Is this your clear?
I think so

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again..and again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it.
Cause I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..

Dinner At The Money Table
The Early November