DYING

I HAVEN'T SEEN 2 WEEKS WORTH OF DIVA EPISODES. AND IM DYING. I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO WATCH THEM ON WEEKENDS :'(((((

I'M. DYING.


===


So be strong,
Keep right on to the end of your song
Do not fail,


Find your grail



June 23, 2010 (8.49am):
"Look for your Toothless.
Look for your Toothless."
(Lim, 2010)

...It seems like I have a lot of finding and looking for to do.

The Internet

This world is rapidly turning into something we all aren't prepared for. I'm scared ... and you should be too. Look around you. Aren't you worried how fast the world's becoming so technologically advanced?

Well, I didn't say all those "introduction-ish" stuff to give you some lecture on technology and society. I said those things because I am truly scared and partially annoyed at that.

One technology that has become very much apparent is THE INTERNET.
The internet has both been a gift and a curse for me.

GIFT:
Homeworks are damn easier. Google lists everything down for me.
Communication and group works are better assisted because of email.
Friendships are flourished because of YM and yes, Facebook.
Summers or vacations do not become dull because of the gazillion shits you can pour yourself over on the internet.
Crushes are better stalked by hopeless romantic people like me because of the internet's very poor breach policies.
American-based series are easily watched because of the amazing people that upload the episodes online. (ehem, ehem, GREY'S)
Fangirls transform from being a simple Super Fangirl to a SUPER DIDUPER TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL FANGIRL because of the myriad ways one can obssess over his or her idol (ehem, ehem, REGINE)

...you see, the internet does a lot of miraculous things for the society and for me. But, remember, there's always the other side of the coin that tells the another side of the story.

CURSE:
Without the internet, I can't easily get the lecture powerpoints that my profs send us through the Yahoogroups.
Without the internet, I miss out on A LOT of things regarding the life of my friends, families, etc. (ehem, Facebook)
Without the internet, I miss out on the scheduled gimiks because people simply tag people on facebook and vwala! They go out on a friday night WITHOUT ME. Would it kill them to simply text me?
Without the internet, I don't get updates on my dear Regine Velasquez. I don't know what's happening with her, where she is or if she has something going on for the next few weekends.
Without the internet, I don't receive vital announcements regarding school. Which is pretty much shitty, because to miss an announcement is to miss your life.

I know. I know.
I know that the GIFT list weighs more than the CURSE list (in terms of the quantity). But my goodness, it feels like the whole world is revolving around the internet and it's so fast-paced that I can hardly keep up. It's so hard to update myself!

I'm hating it a lot.

But what can I do.
It's not like I can abolish the whole internet system and tell the world that it's a curse. :|

So what can a girl like me do?
Well, there's the usual "accepting it" thing. I should TRY HARD to level with it. I need to live up to the fact that I can only go online during the weekends.

In short.
I have to live with the curse.
I have to savor the gift and deal with the curse.

You, internet, you.


===


OH YES.
I AM ANNOUNCING IT TO THE WORLD.

I CAN ONLY GO ONLINE DURING THE WEEKENDS.

So.. I hate it.
But I have to live with it.

Now, if you may ask, the cause of all of this is the new fact that I now live in Manila. We have a new apartment there and that apartment has no landline, no TV signal, and yes, no internet. :|


===


The reason why I want Broadway so badly.
Monty Python's SPAMALOT!




You are my dream.
I will watch you soon.

CALZONA again.

Pleeeeeeease. I can't get enough of them. They make my flutter and melt like butter. I have been addicting over them for the past few days. They even trumped Regine! And that says a lot already.

I just finished Grey's season 6 and I just can't wait for season 7 to start. They say it will air during the fall but I dont have any idea when that is, so......


===

Shonda Rhimes (writer of Grey's Anatomy) says:

"You will fear but I am committed to them. Callie and Arizona are MFEO."
(NOTE: MFEO = Made for each other)

This was through twitter when she was asked by somedaybroadway,
"do Calzona fans need to fear for our couple?"

I AM THE HAPPIEST BEE :)

BORA: It gives you the high

Knows My Heart

I've never been too good with self expression,
never knew how to explain
All my words were muddled by oppression,
people saw me as insane

So I simply kept my peace,
I politely played the part
Praying that someday someone would understand me
...and my heart

Then one day I heard a tune to guide me,
as your soul soared on the air
A song that seem to say what was inside me,
that seem to sing to my despair

So you found me by your side,
drowned by melodic art
I was thrilled to be with somebody,
who clearly knew my heart

When you set your eyes upon me,
my past was met with its demise
I saw myself reflected in your eyes

The girl you seem to see within me,
fate had sent you to set you free
I finally was who I was meant to be

Now you know the history behind me,
and theres no need to regret
I see in your eyes that you still love me
as who you knew when we first met

So I'll see you in the light
and we'll begin back at the start
and I'll spend eternity with one who truly knows my heart
finally I'll be eternally with one who knows my heart


KNOWS MY HEART
Sang by Sara Ramirez my love.

I have no idea who wrote this or who originally sang it. All I know is that it's from the play Believe that Sara obviously starred in.

I can't believe how beautifully written the lyrics are. I can't believe how beautifully Sara sang it. I just can't believe it.

I could listen to this song for the WHOOOOOLE DAY, over and over and over and over again. I swear. It calms my nerves. It calms my mind. It calms my heart. It calms me. What a beautiful voice.

The world should listen to these kinds of songs sang by this kind of singer. The wars would definitely end if ever that happened.


===

Can I just say... Party Pilipinas has DEFINITELY IMPROVED!!! I can now say that they can (and hopefully will) beat ASAP. I'm pretty sure now :)


===

I had today.
4 days early.

Is that a good or bad thing?
Should I be worried or should I rejoice?

CALZONA LOVE, pare.

Arizona: Oh, I have wine. White and Red, and I have cigarettes. Which is awful I know, but I only smoke on very rare, very occasionally. And, only when I know I’m gonna be in trouble. Like now.
Callie: It was inappropriate. Not to mention manipulative and stupid. You smoke?
Arizona: I know. Listen, I know you have every right to be mad at me but I ran out of options. So…
Callie: It’s an expensive test, there was no indication to do it, there was a reason Webber turned you down!
Arizona: So you didn’t do it?

Callie: Of course I did it Arizona.



CALLIE: My cousin’s baby punched her in the face. Literally. She had a black eye from a one year old. [Arizona sighs] Who needs it, right? I don’t need that. They scream. They’re grimey. They smell like poop- [starts crying] and the house smells like poop.

ARIZONA: Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.

THIS IS DEFINITEL MY FAVORITE SCENE.
I CAN WATCH IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

And to quote a fellow Calzona fan,
"MY HEARTTTTTTT.
MY CALZONA-LOVING,
ARIZONA-WORSHIPING,
CALLIE-SYMPATHIZING HEART."
...it breaks :'(



Callie: People died. People are dead.I…I don’t wanna have kids if means I can’t be with you.

Arizona: No. No. We’ll have kids. We’ll have all kind of kids. And I always thought that I wasn’t have to be a mom, but you’ll be a great mom, you’ll be an amazing mom. And I love you so much, and I can’t live without you and our ten kids…

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

PLEEEEEEASE. KAHIT DIKO PA 'TO NAPAPANOOD,
KINIKILIG NAKOOOOO.
PLEEEEEEEEASE. :'(

GOOD THINGS

She's part of the top10 again! :) FHM released the partial results of the top 100 sexiest women! And REGINE'S IN! She's the top10. Ahihihi.

This is as of June 11, 2010.

This is a goooooooood thing guys!
Let's keep voting :)

===

Yesterday, I was having a HARD TIME figuring out what songs I wanted to listen to, but when I pushed the "next" button and stumbled upon your song, I JUST KNEW, and everything became clearer. I felt better.

There's one thing you should know about me. I panic when I don't know what artist or what songs I want to listen to at a particular time. If I can't figure out who or what I want to listen to, then that means there is something incredibly wrong with me.

And that exactly was what happened to me yesterday. I was on my way home and I was puzzled as hell as to what song I want to listen to. And even more puzzled as to what is bothering me! I can't settle on one song! :|

That is what's worse than feeling bad - not knowing why you feel bad. It's always better to know the "why" than the "what". (but best to know both).

GOOD THING THOUGH, she came into my life and has established herself as the only CONSTANT GOOD THING in my life. I am at my happiest when I read things about her, watch videos of her or listen to her songs. I don't know if I'm going way over the bounds here but if I am, then I don't really care.

You make me feel better.
Thank you.




===

Correction. Regine didn't write this :))

Read on.

Manila Bulletin, Oct. 29, 2005


I CONFESS
There Are Ghosts in My Room!
by Regine Velasquez as told to Shirley Matias-Pizarro

Sudden bursts of applause in the dead of the night. Footsteps when no one
in the entire household is awake. Peripheral visions of a man wearing
Barong Tagalog. Muffled laughter from an invisible girl. Doors closing by
themselves. Items missing from where they were placed only to be found
later on the exact same spot. Creaking noise from the roof. Inexplainable
manifestations to children.

These were just some of bizarre occurrences that I, including my entire
family, have been experiencing inside our very own household in Bulacan. If
you're asking me whether I believe if there were ghosts in my house, then
the answer to that is a resounding Yes!

We've lived in this house, which we built many years back (twice over at
that), for much of my adult life. But for some reason, it is in my own
bedroom where the most spine-tingling occurrences have been happening.

We couldn't explain it at first but later on, the history started to
unravel to us when we started discovering bits and pieces of what actually
transpired in the house during the time of its two previous owners.

When we bought it from the second owner, I remember he told us he and his
family were migrating to the U.S.. The seemingly negligible detail that he
got held up by armed men inside his very own home (which was to be our
home!) got somehow lost in the frenzy and excitement of acquiring the new
property for our family.

But the eerier detail was that we later found out that the family from
where this man bought the property from, also got held up by armed men
inside the house. Only, they have been not as lucky to make the decision to
transfer residences after their harrowing experience. We were told that the
first owners have been killed by the hold-up men, inside the bathroom.

That bathroom is now located in the same area where my bedroom is situated.
The structure of the bedroom may have been altered after a major renovation
we did on the property since we acquired the vacant lot beside it (where a
huge old tree has been standing eversince) but the presence of these
"ghosts" continues to manifest to us, to me most specifically.

I came to actually "live" in my room only about a few years back because I
spent four years living at our townhouse in Quezon City due to schedules
that were hard to keep when traffic was so bad at the North Luzon
Expressway. Commuting was just too impossible.

And during those times, my Mom, siblings and some relatives would update me
just how bizarre it was to actually sleep in a room where so many weird
things were going on. Before me, they were the ones who were experiencing
this presence manifested in unexplained sound, footsteps, creaking, doors
opening and closing, and even the toilet bowl banging down with absolutely
no one there.

When I finally resettled to our Bulacan home less than a couple of years
back, my Mom gave me a most useful tip. "Kausapin mo na lang sila kasi
parang ayaw nilang magpatulog diyan," she told me referring to the "family
of ghosts," which I did. It may sound funny to some but I was verbal to
them. "Okay lang nandiyan kayo, hindi ko kayo paalisin basta walang
takutan," was what I told them.

A friend of mine has informed me that these spirits could actually be
transferred elsewhere should the "master" decide to. But in my head, I was
convinced that should these spirits leave, there maybe another who would
take their place. That's the kind of vibes that this house has been
impressing upon us. And that "talk" had its most desired effect.

Today, I have actually learned to live with them. I even call them my ghost
family. Even the weirdness of co-existing with them, I have come to accept
and embrace. I can watch "Friends," my favorite show, over and over again,
while tinkering with my computer inside my room and share a good laugh with
an invisible girl. I could even continue with what I am doing even when
visions of a man wearing a Barong Tagalog would flash before me. When I
place something on the table, say a pair of earrings, and then suddenly
lose it, all I need to say is "ibalik nyo na please" and the pair of
earrings shall suddenly be found where I left it. I could even comfortably
play with my nephew who was telling me he was seeing a man right before us,
when I don't see anyone.

Our neighbors would now and again tell us they see a big man smoking big
cigar at the huge old tree in our property but that does not bother us
anymore. Somehow, we have learned the theology behind being in the midst of
this kind of paranormal presence.

I remember one time, our houseboy had to cut branches of another Aratiles
tree in the yard. He swore to us soon after he cut the branch, he felt
something like a kick at his back from the upper portion of the tree. After
that, he got sick and for days on end, his condition did not get better. He
was later advised to go back to the foot of the tree he had cut at 3 p.m.,
apologize to whoever was residing in that tree for bothering them, and
light candles there. Two days after that, he got better.

People ask me if I actually believe in ghosts. I always say "I don't know"
in reply but then again, how else are we supposed to explain these kinds of
experiences?

Another thing about my family is that each one of us, we all believe has
this thing now known as "third eye." Though most of the times we don't see
the presence, we can actually feel them right in our midst.

For me it goes even deeper. I used to have recurring dreams of death and
destruction. The scarier part was that most of them come true and that's
when it scares the wits out of me.

Remember that July 16 earthquake that destroyed most of Central Luzon in
1990? I had recurring dreams of that earthquake for a month before it
actually happened. I dreamt of the mountain turning because of the
earthquake and the earth being divided into two. I cannot forget what the
news said that time when Hyatt Hotel in Baguio collapsed. It said that the
mountain actually turned during that earthquake.

One time a friend of mine was living in Hong Kong and was supposed to leave
for the U.S.. I asked him where he was going because I had a dream that
there was going to be an earthquake in San Francisco, which it did. He had
to call me up to tell me that that dream I had actually happened the way I
said it would.

There was a fire in a building I also dreamt of many years back. It was
vivid in my mind, saw it was on the 12th floor and I told my handler back
then and forgot about it after. That same night, it was in the news and it
happened somewhere in Mendiola.

What I don't like is when I dream of a coffin. Chances are, there is
someone I know, not necessarily close to me, who was going to die. That's
when I know I am getting really scared.

Sugarfree and the events

BAKIT ANG SAKIT SAKIT SA PUSO KO NA HINDI AKO MAKAKANOOD NG SUGARFREE BUKAS? :'(( I mean... (no offense sa aking mga kaibigan), MINSAN lang kasi maging abot-kamay ko ang gig ng Sugarfree. AT BUKAS, asa TIENDESITAS LANG SILA. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Libre pa yung show. Hindi kasi ako makakapunta kasi may dinner ako sa Shang kasama ng mga kaibigan ko. Hindi sa ayokong pumunta dun sa dinner, sayang lang talaga yung pagkakataong mapanood ko ulit ang Sugarfree. Huli ko silang napanood ay nung 2nd year HS pakoooooooooo. Haaay.

Sabi sa Sugarfree page sa Fbook:
Catch us this thursday june 10 at tiendesitas! libreng show para ipagdiwang ang araw ng kalayaan (na sa sabado pa hehe). please be there by 9:30. we're playing a reaaally long set of old and new songs =)

Shitz. Nakita niyo yun??? OLD and NEW songs daw! Naman :'(


Mahirap bumangon, anong nangyari kahapon?
Pano umabot dito? Kumikirot ang ulo at puso
Sa dinami-dami ba naman ng gustong malimutan
Ikaw pa ang naiwan sa puso't isipan..."

I love you Sugarfree, forever and always.


===

First day of school was very uneventful. Mas naexcite pakong umuwi dahil manonood ako ng Grey's Anatomy.

Pero masaya din naman kahapon :)
Nakasama ko muli sila Js at Jn at NAKABILI NAKO NG MEGA MAGAZIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas dahil tayo'y world class.

BUKAS
Birthday ni Tita Mommy bukas
Sugarfree concert bukas sa Tiende
Dinner with the Thunderbirdies bukas

The Calm before the Storm

I'm pretty sure that I know a song entitled "The Calm before the Storm", but that's not the reason why I used that as this blog post's heading...

This moment. My right now. THIS is the calm before the storm. The storm that I have long been dreading ever since last year's events has finally arrived. And it will be taking its very first hit tomorrow, June 8 of 2010.

I know that it's almost been a year after everything but I feel the same. I still feel the word "failure" plastered all over my face. I know I should have been dealing with this self-conflict a long time ago but I just don't know how, okay? I don't how or where to start. And the bad thoughts are haunting me. I don't dream about it (that's good). But the tiny box I put all of these bad shit is now threatening to blast open because of the pressure.

I learned from Grey's Anatomy that for a crisis, a conflict, a trauma, or any kind of "bad situation" be resolved, one should talk it out. One should talk about "it" with someone else.

But I.... don't know who to talk about "it" with. No offense to my people, I know I could talk about "it" anytime but I'm... just... not ready yet. I can't talk if I can't even touch the thought of talking about "it". I can't touch "it". I don't want to yet.

And I need help getting through this phase. I need help being able to have the courage to talk about it or even think about it.

I just don't know how.
And it's just killing me that I can't do anything about all this.


===

I will give you a full work-up of my Bora trip within this week. PROMISE. But for now all you need to know is I'm SO MUCH DARKER :)) It's scary.


===

A BIG THANK YOU to Js and Jn for following up my enrollment stuff :)
You guys are forever great.
Rebels for tha wiiiiiiin.

Another "for the win" thing:
A diva moment :)

Lady: She's a liar! Do you know that I'm sikat, I'm beautiful and talentful and I can not be the daughter of that girl, because the diva can't be the daughter of the lavender!

Diva is forever funny :))


===

I like the names "Arizona" and "Calliope" .. They are but cute :>
I LOVE GREY'S ANATOMY.
It makes my heart do all sorts of somersaults :)

Mega June2010

Pwedeng naexcite ako kasi nagawan ko
ng paraan para maScreencap ko yung buong image? :))



Why are you so pretty?

AT BAKIT WALA PA SA MAGAZINE STANDS YUNG ISSUE NA YAN HA?!?!

===

I cant believe I fell asleep last night. Now, (at this very moment) I'm catching up on what parts of Diva last night I missed :| FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL KO.

Bora in a while though ;) ...and THAT'S not fail!


===

Spent my afternoon at PL's yesterday. :)
It was a short visit but nevertheless fun.

We...
Spyro-ed
Tekken-ed
Poker-ed :))

I taught the Lim's how to play poker. HAHA.
Papa Mig, you're next :))


===

New dowloads:

The Vitamin String Quartet covers
Nightmare Revisited
Fashionably Late (Honor Society)

Summer 2010, SY 2010-2011

Sorry friends kung minsan (o madalas) ko kayong pinagpapalit kay Regine V. Sorry. That's just the way life goes for me. Ahahaha.

Haay. And can I just say that my heart is extremely happy because Regine is on the cover of MEGA for their June2010 issue? :)



In other news! Melody is really out and about already! She is soooooo beautiful! I don't know why I'm referring to her as Melody when she really just is Regine Velasquez. Ahaha. I can't get enough of her "I'm Comin' Out" video! Aaaaaaaagh. So pretty. Here are a few screencaps.. :)





They shot it at SM Marikina :)

===

YES! I was able to watch Diva yesterday despite the fact that I went to EK :) YES (again)! I went to EK yesterday with PL, Papa Mig, Luigi, Lorenzo, Earl and Enzo.

I was sure that I wouldn't catch Diva because I was expecting that we'd arrive home late. But, timing was on our side! As we got to PL's house, Diva has just started! Thank God for its late airing time :)

But going back... YES (again) Yesterday was EK day for us.
THE MAGIC DEFINITELY STAYED WITH US.

Here's a tally of the things we did.

Anchors Away - A whopping 9! (Still, I can't beat my own record! :|)
Rio Grande - 1
Flying Fiesta - 3
Roller Skates - 2
Rialto - 1
Space Shuttle - NONE FOR ME
Horror House - NONE FOR AGAIN :))

Yeah. Not much a fan of the Space Shuttle and the Horror House. I got the jitters even at 50 meters away from the line. :| Sorry na, KJ me.

BUT ALL IN ALL. IT WAS THE PERFECT WAY TO "END" MY SUMMER.

Thank you to PL for coming into my life again. This summer has become the most memorable one of all (or one of the most memorable ones) because of you. Seriously. I don't know how we got from the "non-talking" phase to the "I-text-you-everyday" phase. I hope nothing messes this up. I AM PRAYING TO GOD, please. I'm sorry that we got you into something you're not really supposed to be in. You don't deserve that, you and I both know that. But right now, I know that we're past that and I am just so intimately happy and lucky to have you as a friend. You're going to UPM in a few days.. I hope to be there for you when you need me. But I guess, you wouldn't need me for all time, not because I'm being emo, but because I know you have Papa Mig by your side. Adik yun eh ;) enjoy the notebooks. I'll get more for you. Pramis!

And... let's not forget my dear Cheps (who, due to school duty stuff, wasn't able to join us to EK) who has stood by me through all these years. I don't know how we get by. I don't know how we survive. But all I know is that you and I will go long. It's still a mystery to me how I get you as much as you get me. I'm so glad I have you, Cheps. :) You're still one of the first people to know about my everything... Basta.

Haaaaay. What a great summer :) Seriously. It wasn't one of those educational ones. Even though I took two summer courses (STS and PI), both supposed to be supplementary courses, they didn't really "supplement" me. This summer will be one of those memories that you just got to give a looooong ang happy sigh when you reminisce about..

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY.


And to top it all off. Regine is on the cover of Mega ;)
Although I mentioned that I already,
I just want to say it again. Ahihi.


===

On the less brighter side of the coin.
I AM DEAD SHITTY SCARED OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

Not just because of the acads thing, the poop thing, the friends thing...

But also because of myself.

I FEEL SO UNSURE OF MYSELF. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can catch up. I know in my heart that I'm not as dedicated as Donna or as responsible as Dianne and THAT scares the shit and the guts out of me. This school year, I am predicting, will be one of my hardest and most dreaded school years ever. Please Lord, help me.


===

LAST HIRIT FOR THE SUMMER! ;)

June 3 - 7, 2010:
FIRST TIME IN BORACAY, BAYBEH.